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I want to show you something I JUST found out about!
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Living with bipolar is a struggle and especially when you don’t have the medication that you need. At this point in my life I have been off of my medication for a few months and I feel like I am slipping pretty extreme lows. On the inside I am fighting to keep it together and by doing that I am beginning to feel the physical effects. I feel tired and beat down and I don’t want to do anything but hermit away into my own little space. I know that when I feel this way that I need to force myself to get out because if I do not, I could do something I may regret later on. I won’t mention what I am speaking of because I want to think that what happened last year will not happen again. I have a wonderful girlfriend who loves and supports me, and even though sometimes she does not know what to do with me she still is here. I do not want to make the same mistakes I did before but what do you do when you can’t get the help you need right away. I am thinking about quicker options, solutions, and ways to get what I need. I hate living in a state where it is so hard to get the counseling and medication that I need. It is extremely frustrating and I am almost terrified that the state will turn me away and I will once again be left with no help. But also I need to try and stay positive…that is hard for me because most days I live in a negative world most days but that is where counseling helps me to see things more positively. I just need it so bad right now…I wish words could express how much I need this. I don’t journal much anymore but I am trying to for the sake of my sanity and understanding why I am the way I am. I hate being bipolar because people just call me crazy and don’t even give me a chance to try and explain why I act the way I do at times. Some people refuse to talk to me anymore or be my friend because they are afraid of me :(. I know that if I am on my medication and getting the help I need that I am a pretty normal person just like everyone else but people just have a super hard time getting that. I was watching on television today about Demi Lovato and her struggle with bipolar and cutting. I have more respect for her now and I really think that it is amazing for her to be able to be open about that. I am now a fan because of that fact alone, because I know that even though she is famous and has all this money that at the end of the day she struggles like I do and like millions of people do. It is beautiful to see her with her fans and to see how much she pushes herself to be the best that she can for them because she knows without them she would not be where she is. Many celebrities struggle with things like this but are not as open and forthright as she has been and I think that is amazing. I just hope more people will come to the realization that bipolar and other mental disorders are legitimate and that they will open their minds more and stop being so critical and judgemental. It truly hurts and I just want people to know that and I want to thank my girlfriend for being here for me regardless of what may happen. This is only the beginning and I want to share more with the world. Questions and comments are welcome…I hope everyone has an amazing day.
